I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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