I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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