Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
