No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
