Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
