I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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