I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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