Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
