It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
