The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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