nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
