When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
