Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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