He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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