32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
