Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
