i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
