Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
