You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Randomize
