Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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