Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
