He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A bitchslap is in order.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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