I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
