CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
