I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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