its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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