i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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