I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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