it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
