I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
