ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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