my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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