my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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