I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
