I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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