Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
