guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
