Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
