She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
