We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
