i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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