If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
