you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
