If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
