well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
