walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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