I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
