Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
