he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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