We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
