Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
