I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
