Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
